To Be Missed

To Be Missed

~*~*~*~

Ichigo couldn't hold back the grin if he tried. His sake cup sat, forgotten, on the low table in front of him as he enjoyed the shock and gaping mouths of his friends and comrades around him. Crossing his arms over his chest, he didn't bother with pretense. Yes, Kurosaki Ichigo was gloating.

His spirits hadn't been this high in so many years. Immediately after losing Rukia, he was angry, at himself, at her, at everyone that didn't stop her, at the world. Then came the depression. That period was just as intense and guilt-ridden as it had been when he lost his mother. But at least his mother knew how much she meant to him. Ichigo had mere seconds of staring into the beautiful eyes of the woman he fell in love with after his confession before she was ripped from him.

So it was a foreign but nostalgic sensation to have his mouth stretch into the shape of a knowing, triumphant smile. Short of getting Rukia handed back to him just as he last saw her, hearing her whispering those words to him and getting to keep her, he couldn't be happier. Her soul lived on and her spirit was unfiltered by time and transition. The entire two weeks he spent watching over little Mizuki re-opened parts of his heart that he had lost touch with. Having the familiar spiritual pressure near him caused pangs of remembrance within his own. He was nearly whole again and it felt wonderful.

"You really found her?" Ukitake asked in hope and awe. He had almost declined the invitation for dinner due to fatigue from a long week of training, paperwork, and missions. But Ichigo had insisted and with good reason. Most of those who were closest to his last lieutenant were all stunned into silence around the table, wanting nothing more than to believe. "And she's really... herself?"

"How can you be sure that it's really her? After all, it's not like the kid's name was Kuchiki Rukia!" The red-haired childhood friend of the long-missing woman complained, interrupting Ichigo before he could even begin. He had taken her passing almost as bad as Ichigo had and his years of frustration wouldn't let him give in easily to hope.

"Don't be obtuse, Renji. I know, ok? My detector-!"

Slamming his palm onto the table, Renji glared across it at the newest captain. "Your detector?! It's a piece of shit designed by an insane man for entertainment. Rukia is gone!" And with that Renji stormed out of the room in an emotional huff. No one attempted to follow him.

It did not stop Ichigo from glaring at the door Renji left through. He knew why the other man was giving in to anger. It was easier than handling hope.

Still, he didn't have to be a jerk.

"Yare, yare," Shunshui began, pouring more sake into all of the cups on the table, Ukitake trying in vain to waive him away from his own cup. "Ichigo-kun, this is the best news we've heard in years. But I must ask... What do you plan to do now?"

"What do you mean?" Ichigo asked offhandedly, still distracted by Renji's abrupt exit.

"What I mean is, now that you have the satisfaction of knowing her soul has successfully re-entered the natural reincarnation cycle, what more do you expect to happen?" The captain sipped his sake, carefully watching the younger man as he digested the question.

Orange eyebrows furrowed and he glanced between Shunshui and Jushiro, two of the original four he had invited to what was supposed to be a cheerful meal. "What the hell do you mean by that? I'll make sure to protect her soul! And when the time comes, I'll be the one to perform the konso! And then I'll bring Rukia back!"

"It's not quite that simple, Ichigo-kun," Jushiro sighed, looking into the reflection the sake held. "Just because you still feel the connection doesn't mean it';ll bring her back."

Ichigo felt his muscles stiffen and his heart pound in his chest. It didn't matter how true that may be. He wasn't giving up hope, not after so long and how much he had searched. Not with how much Ru... Mizuki's soul called out to him. He was going to be there to answer back. After all, together they have proven so many times in the past that rules are meant to be broken and fate can be changed. He was not giving up hope for the world.

~*~*~*~

"Tamashii-san?" Mizuki whispered, her forehead leaning on the cool glass pane of her small window. She could almost feel the rain drops hit her skin through the glass. She didn't like the rain but it wouldn't stop. "I hope you're not stuck out in the rain."

Ichigo hid in a warm, dark corner of the attic that Mizuki resided in. He could have easily stayed out in the rain and merely controlled his spiritual density to allow the rain to pass right through him. But he wanted to hear all of the whisperings of the child near him. Plus, she had a point. He still wouldn't want to be out in the rain.

"The rain makes me sad." She continued, keeping her forehead on the same spot of glass, her eyes closed to the rest of the world as she whispered her innermost feelings.

Me too, Ichigo silently agreed.

~*~*~*~

"Well, we'll see, I guess." Ichigo huffed, finishing off his sake and wishing two of his mentors a restful night. In his younger days, he would have raged or argued until he was blue in the face. Being older, he learned to pick his battles and contain his emotions. But it was still there under the surface.

Stepping out in the cool night air of Seireitei, he took a moment to steel himself. He was tired of wallowing in guilt, in despair, in loneliness. With a person to protect and a goal to reach, he felt more like his old self. Who cared what the odds were. He wasn't holding on because he thought he might be right. He was holding on because he had to be right. His heart would accept no less.

Besides, he needed to focus and letting his frustration get the better of him would do no good. There was on more stop he had to make before he could retire to bed himself.

~*~*~*~

"Where the hell is she?" Ichigo mumbled to himself as he carefully stepped through the woods alongside the path from Mouri's house to town. He had taken a nap in a nearby temple while Mizuki had completed her day's task of measuring out sacks of rice to deliver. He figured he'd escort her and the kids back to the house when they were done, seeing as how he couldn't do anything for them during the day.

But now he couldn't find the little sneak anywhere! The other kids had all gone inside to bug the old man for dinner and mentioned that Mizuki was 'dawdling'. Everyone seemed pretty unconcerned about her behavior but Ichigo was worried that the time he chose to take his eyes off her that something happened. It always seemed to work that way for him. He had to swallow down the familiar panic that was bubbling in his stomach.

"Ok, I just walked the entire length of this damn dirt road. Where the hell...!" Ichigo turned in a few circles, waiting to hear a sound or see some movement to give the child away. "This is ridiculous." He closed his eyes and concentrated, his fists tightly squeezed at his sides. Mizuki was close. The cool, smooth feeling of Rukia's reiastu wasn't far but it was damn hard to pinpoint when it was emitting from a young, living soul and not that of a shinigami. And all his damn detector would tell him was it was within a radius size that wasn't helping him!

Well, if it were Rukia, his Rukia, she'd either purposefully be hiding for her own personal amusement or she would be distracted by something else. And if his Rukia were in the woods on a quiet evening...

"Ok, let's try a bit higher." Ichigo took a few steps upward into the air as if walking up stairs, creating pressure underneath his feet for levitation. He definitely enjoyed this aspect of the living world as a shinigami. In Soul Society, the entire atmosphere was reishii and it would be impossible to float or fly. It had almost the entire same limitations as the human world did for the living. Though shunpo was still quite useful and it worked everywhere.

Walking through the branches of the trees, he squinted his eyes as he scanned behind leaves for movement. He would have laughed at himself for thinking squinting would help him sense her spiritual pressure. He would also laugh at himself for acting like a terrified older brother to the reincarnated soul of the woman he... Ichigo was actually quite thankful to stop that thought short as he finally found what he had been searching for.

Well, what do we have here? A corner of his mouth turned up against his will as he found the small girl stretched out on a tree branch, her back leaning against the trunk as she lightly napped. He could even swear to himself that she kind of looked like his Rukia too. True, she was much younger and she wore her hair differently. But still, she looked so much like her that he thought there was a chance that maybe... maybe she'd remember him.

Before he let his sentimentality get the best of him, he plucked a few leaves from the branch above her and dropped them onto her peaceful face. While she stirred and made unappreciative noises in the back of her throat, he shunpo-ed himself just far enough away and behind a tree.

"What...?" Mizuki brushed the leaves from her face and clothes before rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Glancing down at the handful of leaves floating down from her perch she scanned the area around her. "Tamashii-san, was that you?" She straightened out her clothes and began climbing back down, grumbling her complaints the whole way. "I didn't think spirits would be pranksters. Seriously, how old are you? Didn't you see I was sleeping? Great. Just great. The spirit who chose to stalk me has no manners."

Mizuki made it back for dinner that night with Ichigo as her secret bodyguard.

~*~*~*~

Ichigo couldn't help but take everyone's hesitant reaction a bit personally. Despite the fact that Rukia's soul may never remember being Rukia to begin with, didn't it matter that she survived and is getting another chance at life? Maybe this life will even be happier. And maybe she'll remember one day that in a past life, she meant the world to him. After all, he still carried a piece of her. Maybe that could bridge the gap.

Why didn't Renji see it that way?

Sighing, his mind took him back many decades, to memories that still left him sore. Dealing with Rukia being gone had been hard on Ichigo. After so many years of mourning, finally Urahara gave him a means to move on: a goal. Since then, almost a mortal lifetime ago, he had held up fine in public and even managed alone well enough. He had to, for Rukia.

Kuchiki-taicho though? Well, Rukia's older brother was a slightly different story. Though he maintained his typical stoic, serious demeanor and continued with his duties as normal, those close to him could see it easily. The captain of the 6th division had his heart broken again. He didn't hold it against her for what she chose, in fact he honored her. But it was too much for his lonely heart to bear to continue losing family. The two women who melted his heart both lost to him.

He had not joined the group to hear his news. Ichigo figured that the man knew it was about his sister and couldn't bring himself to attend. But he was going to deliver the information to him personally. After all, a brother needs to know that his sister was all right, even one like him. Especially one like him.

"Kuchiki-sama will see you now," a servant bowed to him and motioned to a room down the hall. Another servant had just placed a new tea and cups plate on the low table, bowed to the men, and politely left the room. As the screen softly closed on the room, Ichigo studied the man across from him. Once an enemy, then an ally, now a close associate. Ichigo would actually consider him a friend.

"Kurosaki-taicho. I'm glad to see you are well after your trip to the Living World." Byakuya nodded as he lifted his tea cup to his mouth, sipping delicately. Ichigo figured he was keeping up polite protocol for small talk rather getting straight to the point. But he couldn't help but wonder if the older man had any curiosity at all.

"Yeah, it was a successful trip." Placing a hand on his own tea cup, he stared into the steaming liquid for a quiet moment. "Say, Byakuya... I know you can probably guess what I'm here about."

"I don't guess, Kurosaki-taicho. I can infer, deduce, or simply know. But I do not guess." Placing his cup back down on the table between them, he made eye contact, both intense and weary. "It concerns... my late younger sister, doesn't it?"

Ichigo nodded and a corner of his lips curved into a small smile. "She's been reincarnated, Byakuya. I found her. She has very strong spiritual abilities, even as a mortal and..." He stopped when Byakuya got up from his spot at the table and stepped over to a different interior doorway, opening the screen.

"Come, Kurosaki-taicho. There is something I want you to see."

Following the other captain down a small corridor and through inner-rooms of the Kuchiki estate, Ichigo assumed they had to be heading to the center of the vast building. He recalled Rukia's old room not being far from the center, her room opening up to a courtyard garden in the middle of the home, blocked off from sight to anyone roaming outside the Kuchiki property. It was a small place of peace for her. He found himself wondering if her older brother kept everything of hers the same, if that was where he was being taken.

Byakuya opened up the sliding screen of a different room, one that did not open to the courtyard. “Enter,” he nearly whispered into the darkened space.

Stepping behind him, Ichigo watched silently as he slid open a cover to a shelving system that was hidden in shadows. Byakuya lit a few candles by match and brought the ancient family altar into view. There were the traditional family stones, standing as miniature temples that bore the names and titles of ancestors. There were small flowers in golden pots decorated with cranes and sakura blossoms. There were intricate details of gold and jade around the support beams that displayed the Kuchiki name and a few tiny frames of faces, most painted rather than photographs, placed on the ornate shelving, all around the center incense burner.

Stunned into silence, being allowed to bear witness to the 6th Division's visit to the shrine, he stood rigidly in the doorway to the small room. The head of the noble clan lit the incense and whispered a soft meditation.

"Kurosaki-taicho, please step forward."

Obeying, he stepped forward and bowed a moment in respect to the altar before lifting his head. Ichigo's eyes quickly scanned the shrine before his eyes landed on one of the names. "Is that...?" he could barely get the words past his lips.

"My late wife and sister's names are placed here, alongside the rest of the Kuchiki nobility. This is what I have left of my family." Byakuya kept his eyes on the names of his loved ones. Ichigo could only guess at what he was feeling. Having lost a mother and then the one who held his heart was difficult for him. But Ichigo had his family still. Karin was a seated shinigami in the 7th Division, his father held some kind of honorary captain position he didn't quite understand, and Yuzu didn't have quite enough reiastu to join the ranks but aided with the 4th Division's work. They all lived together on the Shiba estate that was restored following the last Blood War.

But this man next to him had no one left. And he was not one to allow himself the freedom to express his affection for them. Having no words that he could possibly say, Ichigo just swallowed.

"Despite the limitations I know exist... If there is any action that could restore my family to me, then I ask that you do it. If there is anyone that could bring... Rukia," Byakuya's voice hesitated just a moment on her name, Ichigo feeling a knot in his gut at the most emotional he had ever seen this man. "Back home, it is you Kurosaki Ichigo. I would be most grateful."

The head of the Kuchiki family never made eye contact as made his request, his sight stayed upon his family’s history before him. But Ichigo nodded one time, firmly and with determination.

"I plan on it."

~*~*~*~

"Mizuki, my child, why aren't you playing with the others?" Mouri asked as he slowly lowered himself down to the steps to sit, his joints popping at the movement.

"Because I don't belong here, Mouri-san." She answered with such seriousness that the older man's eyebrows shot up in surprise and amusement.

"Oh, is that so? Then where do you belong, Mizuki?" He watched as she continued to color in her sketchbook. There was a cartoon-like image of herself surrounded by colorful objects that he could not discern and she was standing beside something shapeless, her hand joined with it.

"I don't know yet. But I know I'll be there soon. Tamashii-san is going to come for me."

"Oh," was all he could respond with, unable to understand what she was talking about and wondering if he should be seeking therapy for the child who was making so little sense to him. At what point does a child stop being creative and become in need of mental or emotional intervention? He didn't know. It made him wonder what his wife would have done.

"Don't worry, Mouri-san. It's beautiful there too. See?" She smiled and lifted her masterpiece closer to the man.

Nodding at the child, he allowed himself to relax. She seemed happy enough to him and her drawing did not indicate any depression or darkness. "Don't be in too much of a hurry to leave, Mizuki. We would miss you."

"I know, Mouri-san." She smiled brightly at him at his kind words, placing her drawing back into her lap and returning her crayons back into their box. "But I feel that I'm missed somewhere else too."